The last few days, or this past week have been some of the hardest for me ever.
I didn’t want to lose the love of my life, my world, my universe. I didnt want to face the fact that maybe we were going through a dark phase.
The longer you are with someone, the more work it is, the more frustrating. BUT if your lucky enough to find someone with such a big kind heart, someone selfless, someone loving and so giving who never stops fighting it makes it just a bit easier.
It’s almost 2 years and I’m excited. We have come so far, and he’s best friend and I still see him with the eyes of first love. I’m crazy for him. His kisses, his smile, his embrace. I still get those goosebumps. I still get those rosy cheeks. It’s because of you. It will be that way even into old age.
We get older and things change but we still stand strong. The older I get and the closer I get to graduating I can’t help but fantasize of wedding someday.
I’m so happy we fixed everything. I won’t stop fighting for you. You really are my forever. No one will ever compare to you
"I’ll be the garden
You be the snake🐍
All of my fruit is yours to take."
The past is the past and I got to move on. I’m awful at this. It’s true. I’m annoying and selfish and quite insecure but people make this way.
I get broken down to the core and once I have nothing and am left alone I have to start building myself up and loving myself. Then I meet someone and get ripped to pieces and the the insanity drives me crazy and then I drive them crazy. And then I get broken down and have to start over and pick myself up.
And guys in particular are always like why is she so jealous and accusing me of that? Because you made me that way! I’m not like this for no damn reason. Then I’m the bad one.
And now I’m just an empty hollow husk of a nobody.
yay. self pity.great. what else could make this night go wrong?
"What's out there?""The maze"
2 years on tumblr
A few days ago I received an email from tumblr that I had officially hit 2 years and I was just astounded.! It made me smile and feel nostalgia.
These past 2 years have been some of the hardest and best of my life. It brought many beautiful changes and I feel like it helped me grow stronger and grow up more in general.
This tumblr was an escape for me. My journal. A friend, a confidant. When I was alone in some of the darkest moments of my life, when my belongings were being hacked and ripped apart from me, I kept this journal, this friend hidden. I truly had nobody to turn to.
But then on that fateful day my prayers were answered and the angel of a man I had prayed with my soul, my heart, my very existence through tears and pain had appeared and there began my anguish, la douleur exquise. It is honestly the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt and I would relive it a million times to end up where I am now.
The feelings of first love are something so beautiful that I cannot describe in this one post. But it was what saved me. So cliche I know but its true. This tumblr knows it all. My thoughts, my feelings, from my daydreams, to our encounters, to our first kiss.
You see had I never met someone ever like him. He was mysterious. He was different. To me he seemed other-worldly and he still appears that way. My life went in fast-forward. I was like angel being thrown into the land of Gods and Monsters. I was trying to keep up.
This tumblr is so special to me because it has the story of how I met the most important person of my life. It was clandestine, forbidden, sweet, but bitter and painful.
Words never spoken so true
And I remember when I met him, it was so clear that he was the only one for me. We both knew it, right away…
He was charismatic, magnetic, electric and everybody knew it. When he walked in every woman’s head turned, everyone stood up to talk to him. He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn’t contain himself. I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him. And in that way, I understood him and I loved him.
I loved him, I loved him, I loved him.
And I still love him. I love him.
-lana del rey
I love him because he’s the only one in their lives to call their bullshit
basically saying what we’re all thinking
"Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry,
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh
Let’s go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime"